Monday, July 28, 2008

As if one wasn't enough...


In a comment to a piece I'd posted, I was asked if I had another blog and upon reading that, I thought, "Bite your tongue! I have enough trouble posting to one."

And that's still true but now I DO have another blog, one written in collaboration with my neighbor and good friend J who is, bless her heart, aging at the same rate I am. We have exclaimed and then laughed over what's happening to us so often she said, "You ought to write a book!"

It's much easier to write a blog. So, for those of you who are interested, you can read of our head-shaking, mostly irreverent thoughts on the changes we're facing here.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Clouded Words


A word cloud? How cool is this!





You're looking at a wordle, a "cloud" of words from a piece I wrote about seeing and believing... one must obviously look in the "clouds"

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Bug Alert



Summer brings warm nights and even warmer days, azure skies with cotton ball clouds, green growing things crowding the earth with flowers and fruit. And bugs. They are everywhere. Swarms of tiny, white-winged gnatty things besiege me the minute I step outside. They dance at head height and make a beeline for my eyes and mouth. I bat my way through them only to find a swarm of their black cousins around the corner.





Bees are out and about, buzzing emphatically. Yesterday one hovered just above my doorstep. My arms were full of groceries so I used a sneakered foot to wave it away but it rose only a half an inch, wings flapping furiously. I nudged it again but it refused to move. I set the bags down on the step beside it, opened the door and the bee swept in ahead of me, made a quick circuit of the kitchen and flew back out only to take up guard again in front of the door. It hummed angrily as I scooped up my groceries and hurried inside. It was still there an hour later when I went back out.

Spiders, which definitely belong somewhere else, have taken up residence in my little cottage. They are everywhere—in the kitchen among the canned goods, in the bathroom behind the sink, in the living room staring out at me from under the chairs, in the bedroom weaving webs across the top of the lampshade. I cannot bear to squish them and I cannot make myself get close enough to pick them up and toss them outside so they face death by suction. I have a creepy feeling that when I die, every spider I ever sucked up with the vacuum will appear, waving vindictive spidery arms and staring at me with buggy, spidery eyes.

As if the spiders and the gnats and the ticks and the bees and a myriad of other flying insects were not enough, each summer day that passes advances the impending July invasion of the deer fly. Insect repellent holds no sway against those vicious little winged teeth and anyone in doubt of the season will only have to look at my neck, where angry red lesions will appear like a penance necklace, to know that summer is really here.

I can’t help but exult in the green of growing things, take delight in the multitude of bright flowers and the golden warmth of the sunshine. I welcome the soft air and the clear blue skies, skip happily barefoot, and fling open the doors and windows the moment the sun appears over the horizon. Yet I will also go armed into the fray, covered in insect repellent, fly swatter and vacuum at the ready, on perpetual seasonal bug alert.






Several red reasons the bees are in season...

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Where I'd rather be...

HHB asked her readers to look up at noon and post a picture of what they saw...

This is the ceiling of my office. At noon, it's what I saw when I raised my eyes from the computer screen I'd been staring at most of the morning. I write press releases for a non-profit in the summer and though the office is air conditioned and my workmates congenial, I went outside for another snapshot of...

what I'd really like to be looking at on a weekday noon hour.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I'm growing my own vegetables, riding my bike to work, and buying local - all those years as a back-to-the-lander in the 1970s and 80s is paying off now. I wish I still had my wood cookstove!

beans, beans, the musical fruit...













thinning the beets results in plates full of rich, dark greens. The carrots are nicely feathered and I've been eating peas for a week!





these are the salad days!











purple potatoes all in a row.










what tomatoes don't get eaten out of hand the moment they're picked will be made into stewed tomatoes or pasta sauce.





Barring bug infestations, hail, or drought, I should have enough vegetables harvested and jarred or frozen to see me through the winter!

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Paths

I’ve been thinking about paths lately. The one just outside my door was built by and for friendship. Made of slate donated by a friend who moved away, it meanders down the slight rise from my step, sidles along the dog fence, and rounds the corner before ending at my landlady, Eileen’s, back door. It alleviates the muddy track we’d worn in the yard between our two dwellings and gives my little cottage a fairy-tale appearance.

Like any number of paths, this one evolved over the past several months. I came home one day last year in early June to find my friend making a trail of small white stones in the grass. Piled around him were two-dozen slate slabs. Together we sorted them and laid them this way and that, working our way to the corner of the fence. We ran out of filler stone and slabs at the same time.

For a while, the path languished. I hopped and skipped to my door on the ones that were there until another day in mid-summer brought my friend with more stones and a few more slabs. By then, the hollyhocks that surround my cottage were reaching for the sky, their blossoms every imaginable shade of pink.

The finished path has become a magical thing, a connection of earth and stone and good intentions leading from my door to Eileen’s. More than just a walkway, it’s a declaration of affection, a composite of artistry and shared work that connects the three of us in a more subtle way than the obvious stones linking both doors. I can’t walk it without thinking of friendship.

Paths always lead somewhere. Beyond my slate walkway, at the far end of my yard, is what my granddaughter, Sophia, calls the Secret Path, a narrow trail through a small stand of woods that leads from my yard to my neighbor’s. You have to duck under the lower hanging branches and skip over the fallen ones, all the while dodging summer spider web strands or winter snow showers. Once on the path, you disappear from sight, as though some magic there made you part of the small forest. At the neighbor’s end is sunlight and a square sand pile bristling with Tonka trucks.

A path of convenience, this small connector has also become a place of enchantment. There might be a majestic spider web fraught with dew glimmering between two trees. Some small animal might dart in front of you. Some flower you hadn’t noticed before might be blooming in secret under the leaf mold. Standing in the green gloom of the trees, the glittering promise of sunlight at either end can make you catch your breath.

Paths are like that. You think you know where you’re starting from and where you’ll end up but the space in between can change you. A path that looks as though it simply leads from one place to another can be, in secret, a pathway to the heart.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Interesting...

July 4th, 1776 is not the United States' real Independence Day. That would be September 3, 1783 when King George, defeated in The American Revolution, renounced all claims to the new country. The Declaration of Independence is really a "letter" to King George stating why America should be free from England, and it was dated July 4, 1776.


photo credit: www.history.com

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Live

If I have a purpose, it is to live fully—

to listen,

















to notice


















to honor

















to appreciate


















to enjoy

















to comfort

















to embrace

















to wonder

















to savor














to sing.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dress Wrestling

I thought the dress quite pretty. The price was attractive, too. No need to try it on—the day was hot and muggy, I was sweaty, the tag said L. I brought the lovely thing home.

Later that evening, after a rain cooled the out of doors and a lukewarm shower cooled me, I pulled the new dress over my head. It was a tiny bit of a struggle to maneuver both arms into the snugger-than-they-looked sleeves. There was no zipper to give the dress ease, nor slashes to loosen the sleeves but I persisted. The rest of the dress fell smoothly over what a kind woman once called my “sturdy” frame.

“A little long for this heat,” I murmured, looking at myself in the mirror but that was no problem, really. I could cut off a few inches at the bottom and put in a new hem. Sweat beaded my newly washed upper lip. I turned this way and that. The dress was a lovely shade of green shot through with earth tones. Cream-colored flowers bloomed across the bodice, a waterfall of subtle stripes cascaded to my ankles.

“Perfect,” I said to my reflection. I was to go to Florida at the end of the month for my daughter’s beach wedding and the moment I got off the plane, I was due to go to dinner with her soon-to-be in-laws.

Though the dress was made of sheer cotton, I was growing warm. Perhaps this wouldn’t be the perfect dress to wear on the airplane, after all. While I was trying on things, perhaps I should scour my closet for something a little less—well—snug.

I crossed my arms and grasped the material just below my arm pits in order to lift the dress over my head. Without a zipper I certainly couldn’t wiggle it down. The dress didn’t budge. I let go and tried pulling the sleeves down a little to loosen their grip on my upper arms, then grasped wads of the skirt again and tugged. There was a slight movement. I tugged a little harder. The bodice of the dress moved up to cover my face, and the skirt flipped over my head, but the arms held fast. I hurriedly uncrossed my arms and pulled the clinging fabric away from my nose and mouth, scraping the skin from my nose with a fingernail. But the moment I drew in a gasping breath, the dress strained in an alarming way. I was being clutched to death by those cream-colored flowers and lovely earthen stripes.

The dress and I struggled against each other for a few more minutes before I finally dislodged its death grip on my shoulders and arms. I hauled it over my head and flung it to the floor, gulping for air and wiping the sweat from my purple face and a smear of blood from my smarting nose. Then I went for the scissors.



My newly renovated new dress hangs serenely in my closet, waiting for its first airplane ride. The sleeves have neatly turned and hemmed slits in the under arm seams, there’s a zipper down the middle of the back, and the skirt falls charmingly to mid-calf. All that shows of our tussle is the bright red scratch on my nose.







Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Signs




I believe in signs. It can be the worst of days, a day when everything goes wrong, when a favorite thing breaks, a relationship goes awry, something ends that I was hoping would go on forever. The rain keeps falling. And then right in front of the window where I’m sitting, waiting for the sky to stop weeping, a catbird skims in for a landing and perches. It looks at me, flicks its tail, opens its beak and sings its catbird song, and suddenly I feel better. It’s a sign. My mother used to whistle that same song to the catbird that nested in the lilac by the door. “Sing,” the catbird reminds me, “even in the rain.”

Thanks, Mama.



photo credit: www.birdnature.com

Friday, June 06, 2008

Blooming Without Me

"We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry." --E. B. White

So, I am gardening in between two jobs (and falling asleep the moment I sit down) and writing for a local publication when I am awake, and reading blogs though not writing much for this one. School is winding down. Soon I will have a little more leisure time. Meanwhile, here's what my flower garden is doing while I rush about.


Monday, May 26, 2008

A Job Well Done


Love Letter to My Daughter As She Graduates










Commencement. The word means beginning, genesis, advent, dawn. Out there beyond the familiar boundaries of home and school lie the somedays of your dreams. You walk toward, and in doing so, you walk away from. That's the way of things. Here are some thoughts to keep in your heart as you travel your new path.

"In all your thoughts, and in all your acts,in every hope, and in every fear. when you soar to the skies and when you fall to the ground, you are holding the other person's hand." - A.A. Milne

Always remember that you are loved. You were such a sweet little child with your big blue eyes and flaxen hair and that deep, throaty chuckle. You held my hand when we went for walks and your talk was full of whats and whys and whens. "What comes down in spring?" you asked, watching winter's snowflakes spiral to the ground and "When will I be big?" you asked, watching with longing as your siblings climbed the steps of the yellow school bus. I would have held you small and needing me, but my heart knew better. Now that you have become a young woman, the time has come for me to let go. It is time for you to make your own way in the world.

"You yourself must set flame to the torches you have brought." - Anonymous

Remember that you have a purpose. You may not be sure what it is, even though you've wanted to be a teacher since you were six. Crowd into your days every possible experience, every adventure. Live your life to the uttermost. Grow as much as it is in your power to grow.

"You wake up in the morning and lo! Your purse is magically filled with twenty-four hours of the unmanufactured tissue of the universe. It is yours..." - Arnold Bennett

Pay attention to the present. All the days leading up to this day make up your past. The future, all that lies ahead of you, begins now. The fleeting moment in between is, in reality, eternity. When you were small, you knew instinctively how to focus on whatever you were doing. You learned to lose yourself in a book or a game or a daydream. You poured every ounce of your being into the moment at hand. Distractions will come your way. Remember to spend your hours wisely each day and tomorrow will be taken care of.

"Home is the place where,
When you have to go there
They have to take you in.
I should have called it
Something you somehow
haven't to earn." - Robert Frost

Home is where the heart is. You've had several homes: the little house in Connecticut where you were born; the rented house high on the hill in Walden, Vermont where you used to catch snowdrops on your tongue when the wild wind brought one snowstorm after another and the log cabin in Danville that you helped to build; the houses on Barnum and Silver Streets in Massachusetts; and finally the dormitory at college where you've spent the last four years. Now that you are setting off to far places, remember this: as long as we are in each other's hearts, you are never far from home.

Love,
Your Momma

*note from a proud Momma: This letter was written for my youngest daughter as she graduated with her BA a few years ago. This past Friday, she earned her Masters Degree in Higher Education and has been accepted into the doctoral program for the coming school year. She received an award for outstanding achievement and was recognized as "possibly the finest writer this program has seen."

Sunday, May 04, 2008

On the Other Side of Grief

I have been following a fellow blogger's arduous journey toward and through her father's last days. TICA details with such strength and compassion her bedside vigil and her dad's struggle with life and death choices. A few years ago, a close friend of mine lost someone she dearly loved. TICA's posts reminded me of this column I wrote of my friend's journey through grief.


Life on earth is at best a chancy thing. You cannot know the exact moment when you will leave the land of the living or if your dreams will die before they've been fully lived. One thing is certain—if a loved one leaves before you, whether by accident or design, you will travel to the strange land of grief and you will go alone. The winds of change will swirl about you, pick you up, transform you forever, and set you down in another place.

It is not only the departing who are changed by leaving. The living, the survivors, the ones left behind must become someone else in order to cope, to grow and finally emerge into a different life—the life without. It is a lonely walk through an unfamiliar land, this land without. Things that two did together one does now. There is nothing so empty as the other person's chair pushed up to the table, unless it's the stairwell that no longer echoes end of day greetings and eager footsteps, or the bed that suddenly seems vast and cold and too lonely on either side of the middle. There is nothing so quiet as a room with one person in it, the silence absolute after the death of conversation and shared confidences. There is nothing so solitary as a single plate on an empty table or a single towel hanging folded and desolate on its too wide bar, or a lone toothbrush standing solitary guard in its cup. There is nothing harder than being one when you have loved being two.

Someone dear to me recently lost someone dear to her. She was so happy, so loved, so alive while her loved one was with her. Now she looks and feels as though she's been struck down and in a sense, she has. Grief has her by the heart and for a time she must wrestle with it, pushing her way through the pain to unlock the reservoirs of strength and faith she accrued in happier days. I watch her struggle to come to terms with her loss, to find a place where she can lay her sorrow down long enough to eat, to sleep, to think of something other than what has befallen her.

She tells her story over and over, trying to make sense of it, to fit it in with her own picture of what her life is all about. Perhaps her peace will lie in the creation of a new picture, a new story, a tale that embraces this grief as a gift that, when opened, reveals all the words and colors she will need.



photo credit: Jean

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Imagine!


I recently spent two days celebrating with a wonderful friend as she turned 100. She was a schoolteacher, a farmer’s wife, a gardener and, when in her 30s, learned to pilot a small plane. She and her husband were married for 70 years. Lora still loves to fish, lives alone, reads and drives her car without the aid of glasses, will admit (reluctantly) to being a little hard of hearing, but is still sharp of mind and good of heart. Here’s a portrait of her for Totally Optional Prompt’s suggestion: write about a person.


Lora Remembers

100 years of mornings,
of sunrises that spilled liquid gold
down Vermont’s rugged hillsides;
dew that sparkled on a million
summer spider webs; a cow’s warm
breath on her hands and the warmer
milk; fishing the wily creeks and still
ponds at her father’s side;
running up the hill to school;
McGuffy’s First Reader and lunch in a blue
lard bucket; boarding as the teacher;
rain that turned dirt roads to mud;
riding a hay rake, a baler, a plow;
70 years of marriage, of cooking and
washing and mending, of quilting
and knitting and sewing;
driving a Model-T;
flying solo in a small plane;
barn raisings and song fests and gramophones
and new-fangled radios; television and jet planes
and a cruise to Alaska 85 years after
that first morning 100 years ago.

She remembers 100 years of evenings,
of listening to the nightjar whistle,
of scarlet sunsets and sparking fireflies;
dashing to the half-moon door in the
darkness; carrying a lantern up the cold
back stairs; woodstoves and hand pumps
and knee-deep snows; sugaring-off in spring;
summer nights so hot you slept on a blanket
on the lawn; darkness so pure you could
count the stars; nights of terror when fire
struck; nights of music and dancing, of kitchen junkets;
of family suppers; lonely nights, nights of weeping
and missing her man; nights of wondering, pondering
the future, the meaning of it all; nights of remembering
family and old friends gone on before—

100 years of living behind her. Now she looks ahead.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

EARTH HOUR


People all over the world will be turning their lights out from 8-9 PM to support Earth Hour. (go here: http://www11.earthhourus.org/ for more information and to sign up). My first thought was, "Hey! That's cool! I can do that." My second and third and fourth thoughts were, I think, what contributes to the general malaise and indifference in this country. They were: "I might be ready to sit in bed to read then," followed by, "So many other people will be doing it my one little light can't matter much," and worst of all, "Come on. How is that really going to make a difference?"

I was stopped in my tracks by the "it's all about ME" tone of those thoughts. So, I went online and watched the video. Now I am going with my first thought, my gut thought, my initial "I can do that" thought. I will turn off my lights because, while my one little light alone would not make a difference, my one little light along with millions of other lights will. I will be part of a social act, not one person alone butting her head against the world.

Last year on March 31, the inhabitants of one city - Sydney, Australia - joined with the WWF, agreeing to turn out their lights for one hour. Social activism encouraged corporate action. 2,100 corporations joined the effort. 2.2 million people turned out their lights, causing a 10.2 energy reduction in the city, the equivalent of taking 48,000 cars off the road.

Go watch the video (and check out Reducing our Human Footprint. The numbers are mind-boggling). Then turn off your lights and join the global effort to save our planet. It may not be all about me but it surely is all about us.




photo credits: www.actnow.com.au; slovenian.wunderground.com

Friday, March 07, 2008

What are you reading?

Ruth D picked me for this meme:

1. Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more. 

2. Open it to page 123. 

3. Find the first 5 sentences and write them down. 

4. Then invite 5 friends to do the same.

So I picked up Doubt and Certainty edited by Tony Rothman and George Sudarshan. The first five full sentences on page 123 are...

"At the time of self realization
at the moment of insight
arises the conviction truly
that you are, in essence, the World.

Many of us have had such experiences when, after long study, we suddenly understand a difficult problem in mathematics, or when embarking on a novel the structure suddenly materializes and the story, like a landscape, unfolds before you. At such moments the ego dissolves and there truly arises the conviction that you are, in essence, the World.

In the Upanishads, moments of illumination are associated with waking from the state of dreamless sleep into a fourth, superconscious state - turya. Here the "I" dissolves into union with the atman, the universal Self, the Brahman."

So there you have it.

What are you reading, Meggie, Barbara, Roberta, Frankie, Dave?

Wednesday, March 05, 2008



Meggie has honored me with a Blogging Mentor award. I really enjoy posting, partly for the fun of the writing itself and partly because it's so interesting to see how others react to what I write. I'm not sure I've mentored other bloggers but I do thank you, Meggie, for thinking of me.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Art of Zen


An old post written a couple of years ago as summer faded into autumn, but perhaps worth repeating for this week's Writers Island prompt: magic


I have a small paper board, square and framed, made of magic stuff. There is a tapered Chinese paintbrush near it and a shallow bowl that holds water. When you dip the brush and pull it slowly over the paper, the lines appear almost black. They gradually fade to grey and then disappear altogether.

It’s called a Zen Board. No matter what you paint there–a mistake or a masterpiece–the lines become paler and vanish. Nothing stays, no matter how unsatisfactory, no matter how perfect.

It’s a concept I struggle with, that of inevitable change. I don’t mind when the flawed pictures I make fade out of existence. In fact, the lines disappear so slowly that often I become impatient. When I create a thing of beauty, however, I am loath to see it recede. I am using the Zen Board to teach myself to let go of both with equal ease.

Nature is appraoching that same space now as one season ends and another begins. Its Zen Board is the foliage. The maple leaves will soon trade their summer green for the brighter hues that last only a short time before fading into nothingness. Sumac will burn briefly scarlet, poplars will flaunt their yellow banners before dropping them to the ground in pale heaps, and the tall meadow grasses will turn golden under the waning sunlight.

As beautiful as summer is, with its warm days and fragrant flowers, its symphony of bird song and cricket chirps and frog chorus it, too, will pass away. Winter will draw new lines, starker ones, and paint the landscape in shades of grey and of deep purple and sable brown. Then, even as we watch, the dark marks made by the winter months will in turn fade and spring will take up the brush to paint the leaves and flowers anew.

If we let it, nature can show us that impermanence is not bad in and of itself. Knowing that something is fleeting can ease an intolerable situation and give us hope of respite. We may yearn for what has gone or wish for more time to savor what we don’t wish to lose but we are also shown that we can treasure the moment. We can look around us and realize that now is the time to appreciate and that now includes the past and the future as well as the present.

Endings teach us about beginnings. Beginnings teach us that all things come to a close. As we cycle in and out of all our life stages, the lines we drew so darkly at first (as though they were permanent self-borders) become hazy, making way for new perspectives, new horizons. We find that our very lives are Zen Boards and the brush strokes that trace our thoughts will fade and be drawn again, over and over.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Desire


An American (17 syllable) sentence for the Writers Island prompt: desire

All I ever wanted was to know the why and wherefore; why can’t I?

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Coming of Age














My landlady, neighbor, and most of all good friend, Eileen, has been learning to blog. When she first expressed frustration about using her computer it wasn't hard (once I showed her my own set-up) to talk her out of her old PC with dial-up and into an iMAC and DSL. She purchased a state-of-the-art combination printer/fax/copier, too. Weeks later she confided, "I am still feeling frustrated with my computer. All I ever use it for is email."

Like many senior citizens, Eileen is hesitant to enter the accelerated age of technology. Speed, constant contact, and the quirks of electronic gadgetry aren’t high priorities for her. Teaching, making purposeful conversation, and having quiet time to ponder—these hold more meaning. Her ability to converse, to think things through, to make silence a part of her day, are the very things that drew me to her and make her the marvelous person she is. But, she told me, she wants to participate in this era, in this new way, as well. She has never been afraid to learn something, to explore possibilities. And besides, she would be moving before the end of the summer and wanted a way to share her new life with others.

So began our Sunday morning lessons in word processing, photo importing, and blogging. I showed her my own blog and my daughter’s and a few of my favorites so she could see how using her computer could enlarge and enrich her life.

Eileen's current post reflects both her resistance to change for change’s sake and her uncertainty about the efficacy of what she calls the evolving electronic age. Having for years eschewed television for books and cell phones for uninterrupted quiet time, she effectively distanced herself from what many of us, especially the younger generations, have come to take for granted. Her old computer was her first concession to the age of electronics but it was slow and clumsy and she was untrained in its use. As she learns to master her new one, she is discovering a way to tap her creativity and share it in one fell swoop. We are both excited by her progress.


photo credit: base10blog.files.wordpress.com/.../ blogging.JPG