Thursday, June 12, 2014

Out On a Song

"Know that death in life is here,
with every breaking day..."

Forrest Carter, The Education of Little Tree.


Ian with me on the top of the mountain when he came to visit in 2002.
Some dear friends had to lay the body of their son/stepson/brother to rest today. He changed form two weeks ago when he stepped in front of a fast-moving lorry. To lose a child is impossible to imagine. To even think of it makes my breath stop. My heart aches for all of us left behind, for missing Ian will be never-ending. We'll recall him with joy, of course. We will laugh again and take pleasure in remembering his antics, his great and wicked sense of humor, his very being in our lives. From experience, I know the pain of his absence will ease, will morph into something bearable. But it will never disappear entirely. 

Today, though, the grief is still fresh, raw, hard to bear. Driving home from my daughter's house this morning, I unaccountably burst into tears. Glancing at the clock reminded me - this was the day of Ian's funeral, now, because this morning was this afternoon in England where Ian lived and where services were being held by his family. I had to pull the car over to the side of the road so I could weep. There was a click, a change of cds in the player and suddenly Eric Clapton and JJ Cale were singing, as though on cue, a song of godspeed, of joy and release and the end of having to wait for something longed for.

These are things I wish for Ian. So, here you go my lovely adopted English son. Here's a song to see you on your way. 


Ride The River

9 comments:

Brian Miller said...

ugh...to lose a child is one of my greatest fears...and life changes so fast...step off a curb and...ugh...i am sorry, for your friends...and for you...hugs...

Tabor said...

So, very, very sorry for your and their loss. Such a tragedy, and like you said, this hole ripped in your universe will take time to heal and close, but your memories will help stitch that hole. He looks like a precious soul.

PhilipH said...

A sad and tragic event. So sorry.

Peter Bryenton said...

Thank you dearest P.

x B

Kerry said...

It is tragic to lose a child. Impossible for me to imagine. I am so so sorry. Godspeed indeed.

Out on the prairie said...

A terrible experience to lose any friend, I hope the song helped with your grief.

Barbara Shallue said...

I can't (and don't want to!) imagine the pain of losing a child. I have lost a brother, though, and way too many others. My prayers for all of those who will miss him - and it sounds like there will be many. I love it when just the right song/words come to me when I need them most. I'm glad it happened for you today, too.

Pauline said...

Brian - I think it is most parents' nightmare, to lose a child. There's no way to prepare and no way to fill the empty child-space left behind.

Tabor, that he is.

Thank you Philip and OOTP. I imagine we'll all be sad for a long time.

B - for you, the world...

Kerry, nor can I. It is too frightening.

Barbara - so you know the knife wounds of such a loss. They are coping with marvelous grace.

Thank you all, for your kind thoughts.

Barbara Shallue said...

I just read both posts about Ian. My heart breaks for his parents and sister, and you, his adopted American mother. It's tough to imagine the pain he went through before his death, and touches a deep fear that one of my kids might be hiding similar pain. Prayers for all who loved him.