Sunday, June 13, 2010

One Size Fits All?

My younger (and smaller) sister once worked for a company that occasionally received goodies from the trucking firms that ferried its goods. I was in the office one day when a representative left a couple of baseball caps with the trucking firm’s logo emblazoned on the brim. They were quite nice. The label inside the caps read, ONE SIZE FITS ALL.

“Sure,” remarked my sister as she donned one. It immediately settled on the bridge of her nose. From underneath, she remarked, “One size fits all but me.”

She rubbed her nose ruefully. “It’s the same with every size-less hat I try on. I wanted a straw hat for summer to keep the sun off my face when I garden. Every single one covered my face all right. My whole face. Winter hats are the same. My nose peers out the left eyehole on a ski mask. I have to roll up the brim of a knitted hat at least three times to keep it from smothering me, and my head sits so far back in a hood that I look like some faceless thing from the black lagoon.

“I went on a motorcycle trip once,” she continued. “I had to borrow my ten-year-old niece’s helmet. When I put on the adult size and turned my head, I was looking out the ventilation holes on the side. And sweatshirts! How can a shirt that fits a 160 pound frame with bones like an emu fit a 106 pound frame with hummingbird bones? I found one once that was just what I wanted. The color was perfect, the price just right. It was made of cuddly fleece that was as soft as a bathrobe. It fit like a bathrobe, too. I could have belted it and worn it as a dress. A way-too-big dress.”

Her remarks reminded me of a shopping trip I’d taken with my daughters, one of whom is considerably less endowed than I and the other who is a statuesque beauty with legs that go on forever. We were looking at bathrobes in one-size-fits-all. I can’t tell you who they might have fit but it surely wasn’t one of us. The robe barely covered one girl’s anatomy, the “long” sleeves rode up past my elbows, and the whole garment wrapped around the other daughter twice. When I told my sister this she laughed, remarking that she and her twin could both fit into a single pair of one-size-fits-all sweatpants—at the same time.

Give me the old 10, 12, 14 (well no, stop at 12) sizing. Even small, medium, or large gives you a reasonable idea of how a thing will fit. But don’t try to tell me one size fits all because it sure won’t fit like it should.


photo credit: www.cartoonstock.com

9 comments:

lakeviewer said...

Think of the savings! Or should I say profits? People purchase these OneSize without trying on. So, no need for salespeople, no need to separate and fold on different racks, no need to check the back cubicles for something that might fit an unusual person. It's a clever gimmick for the seller.
Interesting take on a topic!

Barbara said...

Maybe a rain poncho, but beyond that we all have dimensions that matter. It was because of the advent of elastic that they can make gloves in China that look like they would fit a 5-year-old, but stretch to fit much bigger hands. But even they have a limit!

Brian Miller said...

one size most certainly does not fit all...hats in particular with me...but even in how we treat people...but that may not be poitically correct to say...smiles.

Hilary said...

Oh so true. About the only one size fits all items that work are those with incredible stretchability .. and those are few and far between. Funny post. :)

Flea said...

Yes, I agree with you, size things properly so we know what we can buy.
Here even S, M or L is not always correct any more.

Tabor said...

Even the sized items don't always work due to some strangeness in cut or fabric. Yes, we are all getting fat(ter) but not yet one size.

Meggie said...

Being a Medium size person, now leaning to Large, or X, I know of this dilemma. My mother was of Sparrow size, & the OSFA just swamped her small peron! We could hear her small cries of "Help! How do I get out??"

kbartzsch said...

This sounds vaugely familiar.

Sky said...

amen!